How is a divorce coach different from speaking with a friend? While some people lean on friends and family for support, that can come with its own emotional baggage. These people often know your spouse and therefore have their own biased opinions about what’s happening and what should be done about it. Working with a divorce coach who is detached from your dynamic and therefore detached from the emotions associated with the break-up can offer you some clarity on your questions.

Can a divorce coach help with planning?Many people hire wedding planners to help them coordinate the logistics of tying the knot. But most people don’t hire “un-wedding” planners to help them handle the logistics of “un-tying” the knot. And this could be costly.  For a divorce you will need help coordinating the hiring and scheduling services of an attorney, a counselor, a financial planner, a mediator and perhaps even a babysitter. A divorce coach can help you brainstorm solutions to problems unique to your life circumstances. 

What are the main reasons people hire divorce coaches? Bring order to the chaos. Divorce can bring overwhelming emotions—grief, anger, fear, confusion. A divorce coach provides a non-judgmental, emotionally supportive space to process these feelings, helping you stay grounded and focused rather than reactive. This can prevent costly decisions made in emotional distress.
 
Get strategic guidance and help with decision making. Divorce coaches help you get clear on your goals (e.g., custody, finances, living situation) and prepare you to communicate more effectively with attorneys, mediators, or your ex. They’re not therapists or lawyers, but they bridge the gap—helping you stay organized and make informed choices without getting overwhelmed.

Save money, time and energy. By preparing you for legal meetings, helping you manage conflict, and offering clarity on what matters most, a coach can reduce legal fees and streamline the process. They empower you to handle the divorce proactively rather than reactively—often leading to better outcomes and less stress.

Won't hiring a divorce coach make my divorce more expensive? Everyone thinks that the first thing they must do when going through a divorce is to hire an attorney. It is not. The first thing you must do is to decide if you even need one. Many people effectively divorce without hiring legal counsel every day. Some people use self-help legal documents to finalize a divorce in an easy and inexpensive way. Other people workout settlements in mediation. There is no right or wrong answer--- only the answer that works best for your situation. ​Divorce coaches can offer the non-legal help you need at a significantly lower cost per hour. Attorneys are usually very busy people who are hard to catch up with, and when you do finally reach them, you often feel rushed and left with questions. A divorce coach can answer some basic legal questions that help you keep your legal billing down and affordable.

​Are there any signs that I should use a divorce coach?

• You feel unfamiliar with the divorce legal process, and you don’t have the money or time to consult multiple lawyers or comb through hours of online articles to answer all of your concerns.

• You can’t get past the anger that you have that you even have to go through this.

• You feel paralyzed with fear.

• You either aren’t making good decisions right now, or you simply aren’t making ANY decisions right now because you don’t know where to start.

• You don’t understand much about your finances because either there is too much to go over or your ex has always handled them for the family.

• You don’t know what being a single parent looks like and it scares the hell out of you; or you haven’t even told the kids and you’re wondering: How should I tell the kids? Will the kids be okay?

• You're wondering: What will my friends think? Should I have friends with me when I go to court? Heck, who are “my” friends?

• You feel embarrassed and lonely and wish you didn’t have to tell your lawyer or counselor “everything”.

How is a divorce coach different from an attorney or a therapist? ​Any attorney or lawyer:

• Provides information you about the law in your state and it may affect your case

• May help you obtain financial information from your spouse

• Represents you at court hearings

• Represents you at mediation proceedings

• Offer advice on how to settle the divorce 

• Provides advises you on how a judge would rule on your case

• Prepares and files legal documents on your behalf

​
A therapist:

• Focuses on your past (family of origin issues) and how you got to where you are now

• Helps you work through emotions such as grief and loss

• Helps you manage mental health issues such as depression and anxiety

• May offer EMDR therapy or CBT therapy

• May be covered by health insurance

• May also be a physician who can prescribe medication

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Are divorce coaches helpful when divorcing a narcissist? Yes — divorce coaches can be especially helpful when you're divorcing a narcissist. In fact, many coaches specialize specifically in high-conflict or narcissistic divorce dynamics because the challenges in these cases go well beyond the legal. Here’s why a divorce coach can be critical in this situation:

1. Narcissists Often Manipulate the Process — A Coach Helps You Stay Centered. Narcissists thrive on control, blame-shifting, and emotional chaos. They may gaslight you, stall legal proceedings, or use the children as leverage.

• A coach helps you recognize manipulation tactics so you don’t fall into emotional traps.

• You’ll learn how to respond instead of react, which keeps you calm, credible, and focused on your goals.

2. They Help You Build Boundaries and a Communication Strategy
Direct communication with a narcissistic ex often turns into a battle or emotional ambush.

• Coaches can teach you “BIFF” communication (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm).

• You’ll get support in creating firm boundaries—whether it’s about co-parenting, finances, or emotional space.

3. They Keep You Clear and Grounded When You're Being Gaslit
Narcissists often rewrite history and make you question your reality—especially during negotiations or custody disputes.

• A coach helps you trust your instincts again and stay anchored in facts, not feelings.

• They can also help you document interactions effectively in case you need to show patterns of behavior in court.

4. They Help You Rebuild After Years of Emotional Abuse
Even after the divorce is finalized, narcissistic abuse can leave you drained, confused, or doubting yourself.

• Coaches help you reclaim your identity, build resilience, and create a strong foundation for your post-divorce life.

 

Bottom Line: A divorce coach won’t replace your attorney—but when divorcing a narcissist, they can help you navigate the psychological warfare and emerge stronger and more in control.

Who benefits most from divorce coaching? Divorce coaching can benefit many people, but it's especially powerful for certain types of individuals or situations. Here's who tends to benefit the most:

1. People Feeling Overwhelmed, Stuck, or Confused

• Divorce is emotionally and logistically complex.

• If you're not sure what to do next, or feel like you’re drowning in decisions or emotions, a coach helps break it down into clear, manageable steps.

 
Best for: People early in the divorce process or paralyzed by fear, guilt, or indecision.
 
2. Those in High-Conflict or Emotionally Toxic Divorces

• If you're dealing with a narcissistic, manipulative, or abusive ex, coaching helps you manage emotions, communication, and boundaries effectively.

• Coaches help you not take the bait, avoid unnecessary legal battles, and protect your peace.

 
Best for: Divorcing someone controlling, combative, or emotionally volatile.
 
3. Parents Who Want to Protect Their Kids from the Fallout

• Co-parenting during and after divorce is tough, especially when emotions run high.

• A coach can help you focus on what's best for your children, manage transitions smoothly, and avoid dragging them into conflict.

 
Best for: Parents who want to be intentional about preserving stability for their kids.
 
4. People Without a Strong Support System

• Not everyone has friends or family who truly understand what divorce is like.

• A coach gives you objective, professional support—unlike loved ones who may be biased, unhelpful, or emotionally invested.

 
Best for: Those feeling isolated, judged, or unsupported.
​
5. People Focused on Long-Term Growth, Not Just “Getting Through”

• Divorce is more than a legal event—it's a massive life transition.

• Coaching supports your personal growth, identity rebuilding, confidence, and future planning.

 
Best for: Anyone who wants to come out of divorce stronger, clearer, and more empowered.
 
Bonus: Who May Not Need a Divorce Coach?

• If your divorce is very straightforward (e.g., no kids, mutual agreement, low conflict), and you have strong emotional support + legal help, you may not need one.

• But even then, a few sessions can help with clarity and peace of mind..